It’s the first of November, and honestly, I’ve relieved.
October was tough. There were little highlights, of course. My daughter in law invited me to see Harry Styles, something I never in.
a million years thought I’d get to do. But that same day I lost my little familiar.
Joy and grief shared a day, and neither canceled out the other.
I also published my little chapbook. It hasn’t gain much traction (If your interested here is the link to it Liturgy for the Unseen) yet and I’d be lying if I said that hasn’t discouraged me.
I poured my heart into those pages. Of course I want someone to find themselves in them.
Then Halloween came, and even before hand there were some personal hiccups but we ended up having an amazing time.
So here I am, still continuing my 75 day journey towards the end of the year, thinking about what I want these remaining days to hold.
I want them to be productive. But I’m beginning to wonder whether giving myself so many goals has made it harder to give any one of them the attention it needs. There’s always something else to start, something else to plan. I want to give myself the chance to follow through.
This month, I’m concentrating on a few things.
Giving my chapbook a chance to be seen. Returning to movement. Continuing to write.
Tomorrow, I plan to start easing back into running. Severe plantar fasciitis stopped me, and even after my foot improved, fear kept me still. I was scared of hurting again. So I stopped completely.
But I miss it, and I want to try again. Slowly. For myself, for my health, with room to listen to my body. There is no finish time I need to beat.
I’m also containing to write every day, even when I don’t share it. I post on Stubstack more frequently than I do here I admit. I know this little blog has become a back burner. I want to spend time here, too This space will always matter to me but I want to insure that where I put my time isn’t dragging my time down.
I don’t want returning here to become another promise that overwhelms me. I want it to be somewhere I can show up honestly, share what I’m learning, and let that be enough for the day.
November is also my birthday month, I’m entering it with things unfinished, some disappointments still hanging around and a little hope.
I have two months left this yea. I want to give a few things I care about enough time to grow, including myself.
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